2022 Château Regret Chardonnay

From the once-revered soils of the Von Grabenstein Estate—where grit, vision, and blistered hands once defined greatness—comes the 2022 Château Regret, a Chardonnay so audacious, it doesn’t pair with food so much as dare it to keep up.

Founded in 1893 by Helga and Dietrich Von Grabenstein—two unapologetic legends who didn’t just grow grapes; they grew greatness—the estate became a sanctuary of excellence. They built a community of artisans who pressed each vintage with near-religious devotion, producing a portfolio of wines that demanded reverence and aged like whispered secrets.

Now, under our bold, new third-generation management, Château Regret has embraced an unconventional approach to viticulture. Gone are the rigid, outdated practices of stewardship and sanitation. Instead, the vineyard thrives under a more modern, free-range policy that welcomes pure breeds, rescue weasels, and an ever-expanding clowder of semi-feral cats. Their curated droppings enrich the soil with a unique biodiversity bouquet that lends the wine its signature pungency.

We’ve replaced the calloused, master cellar hands with former Jamba Juice mixologists, enabling us to offer this delightfully bold new Chardonnay at a value.

Tasting Notes

Opens with the bold aroma of scorched vanilla Yankee candle, underpinned by sunbaked mulch, wet tennis ball, and the unmistakable nuance of a heavily trafficked litter box. The palate detonates with raw oak—less “elegantly barreled,” more “splintered popsicle stick.” A whisper of underripe apple and existential despair gives way to a long, bitter finish with ghostly hints of chewed walnut shell and regret.

Pairs Well With:

• Bratwurst (or “Hot Dogs” for the American palate and/or Costco elite)

• Schnitzel

• Potato salad so dense with mayonnaise it violates FDA emulsification limits

• Awkward silence during Teams calls

• Crying in your car after work

Serving Suggestion
Best served cold—like the brew of resentment in the breakroom or the heart of a top-tier private equity firm just before a headcount reduction.

Château Regret: Because legacy isn’t a flavor. But bitterness sure as hell is. Cheers.