Our New 2026 On Angela’s Wing Blend (obv)
2026 On Angela’s Wings Blend
Available as a parting gift only.
On Angela’s Wings
An Over-Confidently Aged White with Exhausting Staying Power
Some white wines are crafted for freshness. Others, like this one, are defined—some say, enabled—by rabid endurance. After 20+ years of deeply inadvisable storage, this unique blend has emerged with remarkable concentration and a flavor profile that can only be described as unforgettable.
Developing a personality that only time, sweat, and toxic conditions can produce, it is beautifully stripped of subtlety and free of charm, allowing it to open with the commanding aroma of deeply aged citrus, damp storage, and faintly roasted Christmas nuts. The palate is intense, unrelenting, and impossible to keep down. Guests are encouraged to consume On Angela’s Wings with warmth, generosity, and a practiced smile that such a special pour deserves.
Tasting Notes
Extraordinary intensity: richly oxidized, boldly acidic, and impossible to ignore. A memorable pour with a merciful finish.
Pairings
Best enjoyed alongside:
Strained smiles
Professional women who carry extra Xanax “just in case”
Overexplained ideas, and
The faint smell of institutional panic infused with the private certainty that something has gone very, very wrong.
Particularly complementary with:
Under-skilled sycophants who still look fit in an age-inappropriate skirt,
Lay-off planning parties,
Any gathering where competence has been asked to leave quietly, and
Freeze-dried chicken tenders.
Château Regret: Because legacy isn’t a flavor. But bitterness sure as hell is. Cheers.
Our Classic
2022 Château Regret Chardonnay
Available soon!
2022 Château Regret Chardonnay
From the once-revered soils of the Von Grabenstein Estate—where grit, vision, and blistered hands once defined greatness—comes the 2022 Château Regret, a Chardonnay so audacious, it doesn’t pair with food so much as dare it to keep up.
Founded in 1893 by Helga and Dietrich Von Grabenstein—two unapologetic legends who didn’t just grow grapes; they grew greatness—the estate became a sanctuary of excellence. They built a community of artisans who pressed each vintage with near-religious devotion, producing a portfolio of wines that demanded reverence and aged like whispered secrets.
Now, under our bold, new third-generation management, Château Regret has embraced an unconventional approach to viticulture. Gone are the rigid, outdated practices of stewardship and sanitation. Instead, the vineyard thrives under a more modern, free-range policy that welcomes pure breeds, rescue weasels, and an ever-expanding clowder of semi-feral cats. Their curated droppings enrich the soil with a unique biodiversity bouquet that lends the wine its signature pungency.
We’ve replaced the calloused, master cellar hands with former Jamba Juice mixologists, enabling us to offer this delightfully bold new Chardonnay at a value.
Tasting Notes
Opens with the bold aroma of scorched vanilla Yankee candle, underpinned by sunbaked mulch, wet tennis ball, and the unmistakable nuance of a heavily trafficked litter box. The palate detonates with raw oak—less “elegantly barreled,” more “splintered popsicle stick.” A whisper of underripe apple and existential despair gives way to a long, bitter finish with ghostly hints of chewed walnut shell and regret.
Pairs Well With:
Bratwurst (or “Hot Dogs” for the American palate and/or Costco elite)
Schnitzel
Potato salad so dense with mayonnaise it violates FDA emulsification limits
Awkward silence during Teams calls
Crying in your car after work
Serving Suggestion
Best served cold—like the brew of resentment in the breakroom or the heart of a top-tier private equity firm just before a headcount reduction.
Château Regret: Because legacy isn’t a flavor. But bitterness sure as hell is. Cheers.